February 27th, 2024
by Dr. Josh Franklin
by Dr. Josh Franklin
Relationships can be messy and complicated, even among God's people. There was a young man who I met when I first started in seminary many years ago. Lydia and I were married, and this other young man was also married. We became friends because we had both started seminary at the same time and were student pastors serving the Lord. We bonded over the ministry and had wonderful fellowship together. We were like iron sharpening iron, as described in Proverbs 27:17.
However, the relationship started to change. We would plan to meet up, but he would not show up. This happened multiple times. I would wait and wait for him, not knowing what happened. So, our friendship grew strained. I couldn't understand why he didn't value our friendship the way I did, and I didn't know how to express my feelings. Eventually, we grew apart, and I was sad and confused about what happened.
Later, I found out that he and his wife had just had a child, and I didn't understand the complexity that this would bring to his life and his other relationships. When I had young children of my own, I realized how distracting and overwhelming it could be. I felt bad for not understanding his perspective and for cooling off our friendship. So I reached out to him and apologized for not understanding his side of things. Maybe he could have told me how complex life had gotten. I could have been more understanding and supportive as he was a new dad. I certainly understood when I had our first son.
There may be times of tension or conflict, but we should value those relationships. It's important to not give up on our relationships with others, especially as Christians. Instead of walking away from them, we should make an effort to build and keep those relationships intact. Acts 15:36-41 describes a time of conflict between Paul and Barnabas. Even these great men of God experienced conflict and tension, and we can learn from their example.
Acts 15:36–41 (NKJV)
36 Then after some days Paul said to Barnabas, “Let us now go back and visit our brethren in every city where we have preached the word of the Lord, and see how they are doing.”
37 Now Barnabas was determined to take with them John called Mark.
38 But Paul insisted that they should not take with them the one who had departed from them in Pamphylia, and had not gone with them to the work.
39 Then the contention became so sharp that they parted from one another. And so Barnabas took Mark and sailed to Cyprus;
40 but Paul chose Silas and departed, being commended by the brethren to the grace of God.
41 And he went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches.
Have you ever had a relationship where you didn't understand why things grew tense? Well, in this passage, we understand exactly what happened in this relationship. The conflict arose because of a difference of opinion about John Mark. John Mark is the cousin of Barnabas, according to Colossians 4:10. His mother was Mary - not Jesus’ mother, but another Mary. Acts 12:12 tells the story of Peter in prison, and there were prayers being offered at Mary's house, and it says John Mark was there as well.
John Mark is a young believer when Barnabas and Saul, who is also named Paul decided to go on their first missionary journey. Acts 13:4-13 tells the story, and John Mark is their assistant. At some point during the trip, John Mark left them. Although what happened is unclear, Acts 13:13 says, “Now when Paul and his party set sail from Paphos, they came to Perga in Pamphylia; and John [which is John Mark], departing from them, returned to Jerusalem.”
Here was the bottom line of the conflict that occurs in chapter 15. Here was the disagreement, the desertion of John Mark. We don't know why he deserted, but we can speculate. One idea is that he got sick. We read in Galatians that Paul experienced sickness at times. Another idea is that maybe it was a matter of cold feet where he just didn't like the persecution that was taking place. We can read about the stories of Paul being left for dead and being persecuted by the religious zealots of the day. Maybe John Mark saw that and said, “Man, I didn't sign up for this.” John Chrysostom, that golden-tongued orator of the 300s, said, “Maybe John Mark just missed his mama.” One idea that commentators suggest is the fact that their names shift from “Barnabas and Saul” at the beginning of their ministries to “Saul and Barnabas” later on.
Even Acts 13:13 reads “Paul and his party”, which may signal a change in leadership from Barnabas to Paul. Who was the cousin of Barnabas? John Mark. Maybe John Mark saw this change of leadership and felt a loyalty to Barnabas. For whatever reason, he deserted them.
In Acts 15:36-41, we see the disagreement between Barnabas and Paul becoming so intense that they decide to part ways.
These two giants of the faith refused to budge. Acts 15:37 says “Barnabas was determined to take John called Mark with them.” The verb in Greek implies that he continued to insist that John Mark was coming. He's coming. He's coming. But in verse 38, it says that Paul insisted that they should not take with them the one who had departed. The Greek implies that he insisted and insisted and insisted. Paul was not budging.
Why did they have such different perspectives? Perhaps Barnabas’ perspective was that John Mark was still a good young man and they needed to believe in him. However, Paul's perspective was that John Mark had deserted them once and he'll desert them again. The mission was not John Mark. The mission was the churches that they were going out to encourage. Paul's priority was the mission, while Barnabas's priority was John Mark and the people.
Barnabas could have looked at Paul and said, "Hey, Paul, don't you remember who it was who stuck his neck out for you when everybody thought you were going to persecute them and kill them? I came on the scene and said, ‘No, you can trust Saul. You can trust Paul. He's a believer now. He's here to share God's Word with us.’ Who was it who did that, Paul?” I imagine Paul sheepishly responding, “Um, you did." We know Barnabas dug in his heels and insisted on taking John Mark with them. On the other hand, Paul could have easily said, "God has called me to lead our group, and if I'm leading, then he's not going." Therefore, they parted ways.
I see a few applications that can help us as we work through our own relationships as God’s people:
First, in our humanity, we are imperfect people. Whether we're Christians or not, we make mistakes, and we let people down. Have you ever let someone down? Have you ever disappointed someone? Have you ever tried to go back and apologize for something you did? John Mark let his companions down. It's very possible and probable in between the first and second missionary journeys that John Mark went to Barnabas and perhaps to Paul as well and said, "Man, I'm sorry I let you down. I won't do it again.” John 2:23–24 says, “Now when He was in Jerusalem at the Passover, during the feast, many believed in His name when they saw the signs which He did. But Jesus did not commit Himself to them, because He knew all men.” Jesus did not commit Himself to them because He knew that people can be fickle. Just because they believed in Him at that moment, it did not guarantee that they would continue to believe in Him in the future. Similarly, we need to acknowledge that as humans, we are not perfect. Jesus is the only perfect Person. We should be gracious to one another because of this reality.
Second, in our humanity, our perspectives are flawed. We don't see perfectly. 1 Corinthians 13:12 says, “For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.” Paul admits, "Right now, I see in part, but then (in heaven one day), I'll see perfectly. Right now I see through a glass darkly or dimly, but then I will really see." Because our perspectives are flawed, conflict is inevitable. Paul values the mission. Barnabas values the person. Paul is saying, “He's not coming because he's going to let us down again,” while Barnabas is saying, “No, we've got to believe in this guy. God's hand is on his life.”
Third, relationships can be restored. The Bible teaches us that as brothers and sisters in Christ, we don't have to be identical. Christian unity doesn't mean uniformity. We don't have to speak, look, or think alike. We may not always understand each other's perspectives, but we do need to recognize that we only see part of the picture now, and one day we will see perfectly.
We do know that forgiveness and restoration occurred between Paul, Barnabas and John Mark. For instance, in 1 Corinthians 9:3-7, Paul speaks highly of Barnabas. In Colossians 4:10, Paul mentions John Mark, calling him "Mark, the cousin of Barnabas" and instructing the church to welcome him if he comes. In 2 Timothy 4:11, at the end of his life, Paul asks Luke to bring John Mark with him, saying that “he is useful to me for ministry.” It is also worth noting that the Gospel of Mark was penned by this same John Mark. So, perhaps as hindsight is 20/20, we should side with Barnabas in the conflict. John Mark was worth being given another chance. All of these passages should help us hold on to, cultivate, show grace, and even restore (if possible) our Christian friendships and relationships. We need grace at times, so we should be ready to show grace. Relationships can be messy, but they are worth it. God made us for community.
“Dear God, thank You for this passage of Scripture. I see that even Your servants can disagree. You Alone have the right perspective. As I build friendships with my Christian brothers and sisters, please help me extend grace when I don’t see as they see. Grow us closer to You and to one another as we walk through this life. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.”
However, the relationship started to change. We would plan to meet up, but he would not show up. This happened multiple times. I would wait and wait for him, not knowing what happened. So, our friendship grew strained. I couldn't understand why he didn't value our friendship the way I did, and I didn't know how to express my feelings. Eventually, we grew apart, and I was sad and confused about what happened.
Later, I found out that he and his wife had just had a child, and I didn't understand the complexity that this would bring to his life and his other relationships. When I had young children of my own, I realized how distracting and overwhelming it could be. I felt bad for not understanding his perspective and for cooling off our friendship. So I reached out to him and apologized for not understanding his side of things. Maybe he could have told me how complex life had gotten. I could have been more understanding and supportive as he was a new dad. I certainly understood when I had our first son.
There may be times of tension or conflict, but we should value those relationships. It's important to not give up on our relationships with others, especially as Christians. Instead of walking away from them, we should make an effort to build and keep those relationships intact. Acts 15:36-41 describes a time of conflict between Paul and Barnabas. Even these great men of God experienced conflict and tension, and we can learn from their example.
Acts 15:36–41 (NKJV)
36 Then after some days Paul said to Barnabas, “Let us now go back and visit our brethren in every city where we have preached the word of the Lord, and see how they are doing.”
37 Now Barnabas was determined to take with them John called Mark.
38 But Paul insisted that they should not take with them the one who had departed from them in Pamphylia, and had not gone with them to the work.
39 Then the contention became so sharp that they parted from one another. And so Barnabas took Mark and sailed to Cyprus;
40 but Paul chose Silas and departed, being commended by the brethren to the grace of God.
41 And he went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches.
Have you ever had a relationship where you didn't understand why things grew tense? Well, in this passage, we understand exactly what happened in this relationship. The conflict arose because of a difference of opinion about John Mark. John Mark is the cousin of Barnabas, according to Colossians 4:10. His mother was Mary - not Jesus’ mother, but another Mary. Acts 12:12 tells the story of Peter in prison, and there were prayers being offered at Mary's house, and it says John Mark was there as well.
John Mark is a young believer when Barnabas and Saul, who is also named Paul decided to go on their first missionary journey. Acts 13:4-13 tells the story, and John Mark is their assistant. At some point during the trip, John Mark left them. Although what happened is unclear, Acts 13:13 says, “Now when Paul and his party set sail from Paphos, they came to Perga in Pamphylia; and John [which is John Mark], departing from them, returned to Jerusalem.”
Here was the bottom line of the conflict that occurs in chapter 15. Here was the disagreement, the desertion of John Mark. We don't know why he deserted, but we can speculate. One idea is that he got sick. We read in Galatians that Paul experienced sickness at times. Another idea is that maybe it was a matter of cold feet where he just didn't like the persecution that was taking place. We can read about the stories of Paul being left for dead and being persecuted by the religious zealots of the day. Maybe John Mark saw that and said, “Man, I didn't sign up for this.” John Chrysostom, that golden-tongued orator of the 300s, said, “Maybe John Mark just missed his mama.” One idea that commentators suggest is the fact that their names shift from “Barnabas and Saul” at the beginning of their ministries to “Saul and Barnabas” later on.
Even Acts 13:13 reads “Paul and his party”, which may signal a change in leadership from Barnabas to Paul. Who was the cousin of Barnabas? John Mark. Maybe John Mark saw this change of leadership and felt a loyalty to Barnabas. For whatever reason, he deserted them.
In Acts 15:36-41, we see the disagreement between Barnabas and Paul becoming so intense that they decide to part ways.
These two giants of the faith refused to budge. Acts 15:37 says “Barnabas was determined to take John called Mark with them.” The verb in Greek implies that he continued to insist that John Mark was coming. He's coming. He's coming. But in verse 38, it says that Paul insisted that they should not take with them the one who had departed. The Greek implies that he insisted and insisted and insisted. Paul was not budging.
Why did they have such different perspectives? Perhaps Barnabas’ perspective was that John Mark was still a good young man and they needed to believe in him. However, Paul's perspective was that John Mark had deserted them once and he'll desert them again. The mission was not John Mark. The mission was the churches that they were going out to encourage. Paul's priority was the mission, while Barnabas's priority was John Mark and the people.
Barnabas could have looked at Paul and said, "Hey, Paul, don't you remember who it was who stuck his neck out for you when everybody thought you were going to persecute them and kill them? I came on the scene and said, ‘No, you can trust Saul. You can trust Paul. He's a believer now. He's here to share God's Word with us.’ Who was it who did that, Paul?” I imagine Paul sheepishly responding, “Um, you did." We know Barnabas dug in his heels and insisted on taking John Mark with them. On the other hand, Paul could have easily said, "God has called me to lead our group, and if I'm leading, then he's not going." Therefore, they parted ways.
I see a few applications that can help us as we work through our own relationships as God’s people:
First, in our humanity, we are imperfect people. Whether we're Christians or not, we make mistakes, and we let people down. Have you ever let someone down? Have you ever disappointed someone? Have you ever tried to go back and apologize for something you did? John Mark let his companions down. It's very possible and probable in between the first and second missionary journeys that John Mark went to Barnabas and perhaps to Paul as well and said, "Man, I'm sorry I let you down. I won't do it again.” John 2:23–24 says, “Now when He was in Jerusalem at the Passover, during the feast, many believed in His name when they saw the signs which He did. But Jesus did not commit Himself to them, because He knew all men.” Jesus did not commit Himself to them because He knew that people can be fickle. Just because they believed in Him at that moment, it did not guarantee that they would continue to believe in Him in the future. Similarly, we need to acknowledge that as humans, we are not perfect. Jesus is the only perfect Person. We should be gracious to one another because of this reality.
Second, in our humanity, our perspectives are flawed. We don't see perfectly. 1 Corinthians 13:12 says, “For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.” Paul admits, "Right now, I see in part, but then (in heaven one day), I'll see perfectly. Right now I see through a glass darkly or dimly, but then I will really see." Because our perspectives are flawed, conflict is inevitable. Paul values the mission. Barnabas values the person. Paul is saying, “He's not coming because he's going to let us down again,” while Barnabas is saying, “No, we've got to believe in this guy. God's hand is on his life.”
Third, relationships can be restored. The Bible teaches us that as brothers and sisters in Christ, we don't have to be identical. Christian unity doesn't mean uniformity. We don't have to speak, look, or think alike. We may not always understand each other's perspectives, but we do need to recognize that we only see part of the picture now, and one day we will see perfectly.
We do know that forgiveness and restoration occurred between Paul, Barnabas and John Mark. For instance, in 1 Corinthians 9:3-7, Paul speaks highly of Barnabas. In Colossians 4:10, Paul mentions John Mark, calling him "Mark, the cousin of Barnabas" and instructing the church to welcome him if he comes. In 2 Timothy 4:11, at the end of his life, Paul asks Luke to bring John Mark with him, saying that “he is useful to me for ministry.” It is also worth noting that the Gospel of Mark was penned by this same John Mark. So, perhaps as hindsight is 20/20, we should side with Barnabas in the conflict. John Mark was worth being given another chance. All of these passages should help us hold on to, cultivate, show grace, and even restore (if possible) our Christian friendships and relationships. We need grace at times, so we should be ready to show grace. Relationships can be messy, but they are worth it. God made us for community.
“Dear God, thank You for this passage of Scripture. I see that even Your servants can disagree. You Alone have the right perspective. As I build friendships with my Christian brothers and sisters, please help me extend grace when I don’t see as they see. Grow us closer to You and to one another as we walk through this life. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.”
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